Game 2 WCF AfterThoughts: External Debate

Let's get these two teams in a room and force them to settle their dispute

For today, I’ve invited both teams to give their perspective on last night’s game, and the young playoff series in general. Things are tied 1-1, and we’re already talking about bad blood, injuries, retaliation, and supplementary discipline.

In other words: it’s a playoff series. So, let’s hear from both teams about all manner of thing over the past 24 hours as everyone flies up to Alberta today.

Dallas: Well, look on the bright side. We’ve scored six goals in two games, and we’ve done it without needing a hat trick from Mikko Rantanen or Mikael Granlund. We did exactly what we’ve done in every series so far: split the opening two games, showing the other team is mortal. And we’ve even got ourselves a Game 1 winning streak now! Life would be great, if our number one center hadn’t just been lumberjacked into a walking boot. But overall, there are lots of reasons to feel confident after two games.

Edmonton: Well, look on the bright side. We’ve scored six goals in two games, and we’ve done it without a single goal from Connor McDavid. We’ve gotten goals from Brett Kulak, Connor Brown (we think), Evan Bouchard, and even two from Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Dallas is suppose to be the deeper team, but it’s been our depth scoring that has opened both games by winning the race to three goals. Oh, and our goalie just vanquished his playoff demons with a shutout, and he was supposed to be our biggest weakness. So yeah, lots of reasons for confidence.

Dallas: I presume a lot of that “confidence” comes from how you just injured our top center with an intentional chop to the foot.

Edmonton: If you’re looking for an apology, pal, our guy served a penalty for it. The officials even used their five minutes of screen time to review the play, and they confirmed it was a fairly routine slashing call. Bummer of a result, but yeah, it’s hockey.

Dallas: You know, in the rule book, there’s this part in Section 61.3 that says-

Edmonton: Oh, I know what it says, blah blah when slashing causes injury blah blah automatic major penalty, blah blah. The officials know that, too. And again, they didn’t call a major. So clearly they didn’t think there was clearly an injury on the play, even if the player was in pain. Unless you’re asking the referees to lug around an x-ray machine, you’re just begging for players to start faking injuries to get the major penalty, then come back a minute later to score on the same power play that their absence provoked.

Dallas: Right, like Corey Perry did in 2014 when Ryan Garbutt speared him.

Edmonton: Yeah, exactly, just like…well, okay, that’s not fair. You tricked us.

Dallas: Sorry, couldn’t resist. When is the next meeting of Corey Perry Employers Anonymous, again?

Edmonton: Next Wednesday at noon. See you there.

Dallas: Anyway, back to the issue here. Darnell Nurse has been suspended four times in his career, including just a month ago, right before the start of the playoffs, for using his stick to harm another player! And no matter how you feel about the term “injury” in that rule up there, you have to admit that the NHL rulebook is pretty specifically designed to punish players who use their stick to hurt other players intentionally.

Edmonton: Our lawyers have told us we are obligated to admit precisely nothing. Unless you’d like to revisit Mason Marchment’s slash to the leg of a referee?

Dallas: We believe the referee decided not to pursue further action in that instance.

Edmonton: Sounds familiar.

Dallas: In any case, let’s get one thing straight here: Nurse is retaliating against Hintz, and he specifically targets an area that players know is less protected than others. Nurse doesn’t whack a shinpad; he chops the top of a skate, and the player left the arena in a walking boot. Nurse has his balance, and he’s looking right at Hintz when he swings. Nothing about this was remotely accidental. Even if Nurse might say he didn’t “intend” to break any bones, he quite clearly intends to hurt Hintz.

Edmonton: *Yawn* Are we still talking about this? We all know that the Department of Player Safety, at most, is just gonna give a fine like Jamie Benn got for bopping Mark Scheifele in the nose. Why would you seriously expect more?

Dallas: Because if Hintz is injured—WHICH WE WILL NOT EVER TELL YOU OR ANYONE ELSE—then rule/section 61.3 does come into play, and a one-game suspension at least evens out the call that should have been made, had the referees determined that a player being carried off the ice was tantamount to an injury.

Edmonton: You know how “injury” works in this business, right? If a stick grazes a lip and draws blood, it’s an “injury.” If you brain a guy square in the forehead but don’t draw blood, it’s just a two-minute minor. What, are you going to be sending x-ray film to the league or something?

Dallas: If they ask for it, sure. And they might! (If it’s related to the salary cap, at least.) But either way, you heard what Mason Marchment said after the game: we are more than happy to look for a way to settle the score ourselves if the league prefers not to do so. And you heard what our coach said: if that had been Connor McDavid being carried off the ice, would it really have been just two minutes?

Edmonton: Oh, you mean like when McDavid got his collarbone snapped after he was tripped and driven into the end boards, and no penalty whatsoever was called? Yeah, that would be crazy. Two minutes would have been an improvement, actually.

Dallas: Didn’t your own coach at the time call it a hockey play, saying it wasn’t a missed call?

Edmonton: Look, we fired him for a reason.

Dallas: Yeah, you fire lots of coaches for reasons. Also, speaking of your coaches: when you did fire Todd McClellan, we noticed that you replaced him with Ken Hitchcock, and then with Dave Tippett. And now you have Glen Gulutzan as an assistant! What’s with this unofficial Stars Alumni club you’ve started?

Edmonton: We would like to state for the record that our “Stellar Graduates Club” is in no way affiliated with the Dallas Stars Alumni or any similar entity, and that we have filed a unique trademark in support of this brand, which is distinguishable in its entirety from—

Dallas: We’re not listening.

Edmonton: Sorry, our lawyers said we had to read that.

Dallas: We have a lawyer for a coach, and he’s not even listening to that.

Edmonton: Wait, really? Is he free?

Dallas: No!

Edmonton: (to self) For now…

Dallas: Anyway, back to hockey.

Edmonton: Yeah, let’s move on to the part where you guys have been outplayed in five of six periods so far and have scored 11 fewer 5-on-5 goals than we have despite playing three more games.

Dallas: Congratulations on beating the dispirited corpses of Los Angeles and Vegas. We play in the Central Division, where you actually have to play defense on occasion. But if you want to act like that means you’re obviously the superior team, then we’ll just ignore the fact that our power play only needed to wake up for like five minutes to stomp you guys into smithereens in Game 1.

Edmonton: Yeah, good work. I noticed your power play decided just to not shoot on its two power play last night. You had as many shots on the penalty kill as you did on the power play, in fact, which is to say one apiece.

Dallas: It’s nice when you get five power plays while we only get two, one of which cost us our top center on our top power play unit. But if that makes you feel better about our having scored 15 power play goals to your measly 8 in these playoffs, you do do. Kinda weird that a team built around two superstar scorers has scored seven goals with one of the nets empty, and only one more on a normal power play. Seems kinda like you can’t really perform until things get dire. Or, you know, like a team that can’t find that extra gear until the last, desperate moment.

Edmonton: Says the team who waited until the third period to do anything in multiple elimination games.

Dallas: We like a little bit of drama, sure. But at least we know how to capitalize on power plays, rather than waiting for the final two minutes of the game, when the rules go out the window and you just leave your top guys out there ad infinitum. Or, you know, waiting until you go down 3-0 in a Stanley Cup Final, only to torture your fans with a failed comeback. Hypothetically speaking.

Edmonton: Not cool.

Dallas: I wonder how many shifts either one of your top guys would get before one of the seven goons on Florida goes full Darnell Nurse on them? Not that you’ll get the chance to find out, of course.

Edmonton: Didn’t they like, trounce you in Finland or something? We were sleeping at the time, but we heard it wasn’t pretty.

Dallas: Those were exhibition games, we maintain.

Edmonton: I’ll bet you do. Also, we couldn’t help but notice that you scrambled your lines and defense pairings yesterday. Sounds like your confident team is searching for answers all of a sudden, eh?

Dallas: First of all, putting Johnston with Benn and Dadonov is hardly “scrambling.” And secondofly, it’s called “depth.” We can put Jason Robertson on the fourth line and still have three great lines. Reuniting Marchment, Seguin, and Duchene is just smart. And Cody Ceci-

Edmonton: Who was on the ice for all of our goals last night.

Dallas: (fingers in ears) I CAN’T HEAR YOU, LA LA LA. Uh, he can play with Thomas Harley. Besides, it means we had a Finnish Five to start the game, and that’s cool.

Edmonton: We’re a little jealous of that, actually.

Dallas: Everyone is. And also, reuniting Bichsel and Petrovic was just the sensible thing to do. The pairing played nearly 12 minutes at 5-on-5, and they won the scoring chance battle 8 to 3!

Edmonton: When they start awarding trophies for scoring chances, let us know. We’d like one of those, if we have room next to all of these Hart Trophy displays.

Dallas: Congraulations on benefiting from one of your forty-six first overall draft picks.

Edmonton: Thank you.

Dallas: Look, it’s pretty simple, for us. In Game 1, we showed that we have a lot of scoring depth, and our chances got put in. In Game 2, we got a little frustrated, and the chances were just a hair off, until you injured our top center and threw us off for good.

Edmonton: Whatever makes you feel better.

Dallas: Also, I seem to remember you whining about penalties last game. Well, you got five power plays to just two for us, and surprise! You won. Seems like maybe penalties are a big factor in this series. Which is to say, special teams. Which is to say, our power play has been twice as good as yours this year.

Edmonton: Good luck with that when you’re not the home team. You really think officials are going to have the guts to call penalties on us in our barn as the series gets deeper?

Dallas: All we have to do is split the next two, and we can simply win in Dallas the rest of the way.

Edmonton: You really think you can do that, eh?

Dallas: You say “eh” a lot.

Edmonton: We’re Canadian, dummy.

Dallas: Just stating facts. Our coach is a lawyer, remember.

Edmonton: Whatever. Any final words before you leave Edmonton down 3-1 on Tuesday night?

Dallas: Yeah, how about this: “We scored more goals and allowed fewer goals than you did this year. We finished with five more points than you in a much tougher division. And we did so without two of our best players for most of the year—and they’re back now.”

Edmonton: Congratulations. How did that work out for you last year?

Dallas: Last year, Hintz was also dealing with the effects of a slash (that time by Nathan MacKinnon), and Chris Tanev with a lower-body injury. This posteason, our goalie has the shortest memory imaginable, and we haven’t lost two games in a row yet. Also, we have some guy named Mikko Rantanen.

Edmonton: How many Hart Trophies does he have?

Dallas: How many Stanley Cups do you have since the Clinton administration.

Edmonton: We’re assuming that’s like your version of a prime minister or whatever, and we’ll say that we have one fewer than you do, if we’re going to stick with your arbitrary dates and not look at the entire histories of our franchises, during which we have-

Dallas: AHEM, you have zero since 1992, which means we have infinitely more than you.

Edmonton: Does this make you feel better.

*Someone knocks on the door*

Dallas: Yes?

Intern: We have the x-ray results.

Dallas: This conversation is over.